#10 The Wicker Man
The original, not the Nicholas Cage debacle. I'm sure this film makes wiccans and pagans everywhere insanely mad, but it's fun; we can't deny that.
This is both a witchcraft and zombie movie (with a healthy dose of ghosts), so it should rightfully have had a shout-out on last week's list too, but this will just have to suffice. For a kid's movie, this gave me the creeps. I can't watch it alone. And I love the small-town feel. It's homey and familiar, despite the undead. And a kid witch fueled by fear rather than dark magic? Love it!
#8 The Witches of Eastwick
On one hand, I hate this because Jack Nicholson is absolutely revolting in this film. On the other hand, this is a veritable orgy of great actors doing weird, uncomfortable, and amusing things. I only wish it were a little stronger on the girl power, though.
#7 The Witches
Anjelica Huston. Need I say more?
#6 Bell, Book, and Candle
It's like "Bewitched," but so much better. This little-known charmer is stuffed with vintage stars who all give spell-bindingly cute performances. (So many puns! We can't stop! Help!)
#5 Practical Magic
Oh my God, I could kill Goran Visnjic after watching this. What a sick bastard he plays! It's him who's the real terror here, not the witches, and I love that.
#4 The Craft
There is no need to justify this film being on the list.
#3 Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. This was my favorite movie of 2013, and I watch it at least once a month. I have a major crush on Jeremy Renner. And Gemma Arterton. And that adorable troll. And Muriel gives me the willies. And even though I'm not usually a fan of major gore, I even loved that in this piece of laughable schlock. This is just my ultimate date night movie. I know, it's weird. Moving on...
#2 Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
OMG I AM ELVIRA'S BIGGEST FAN EVER AND I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO PLAY HER SOMEDAY. And talk about campy B movies: this one has it all! Everything! Seriously! It just doesn't get any better/worse than this. God, I'm just fangirling all over the place, aren't I? I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE. CASSANDRA PETERSON'S BOOBS WILL BACK ME UP.
|You do not mess with the boobs. They are f*cking magical. Remember when her boobs broke that fence? Yeah.|
#1 The Crucible
I know, I know, it's a play first and foremost, not a movie. But, damn! "The Crucible" tops the list because of the sheer terror it instills in viewers. This is a true story, people. The evil that humans are capable of... witches have nothing on us. We are frightening creatures. I am sick to my stomach every time I watch this. The brutal, raw truth of humanity's cruelty and small-mindedness makes for a better horror movie than any number of vampires, zombies, witches, or ghouls.
Have a horrific day!
The Lonely Alchemist